International Dating Etiquette from Planck's Constant

I scoured the Internet for dating tips some of which can be found at the bottom of this article. However, there are some behaviours particular to the following ethnic groups that are cautionary tales that may save you some time and energy. Please be advised that in many cultures one may substitute Romanian or Iranian woman for some of the descriptions below. The Nigerians listed below added some interesting local differentiations that mean something if you are Ibo or Hausa.

In Germany, they may substitute Turkish Woman for Polish Woman, in Greece they would use Albanian instead of Arab and so on.

If something is not listed here please feel free to substitute your race or religion wherever it makes sense. I like to think I discriminate against everyone.

It happens that I am both Polish and Jewish. Know what happens when you cross a Polack with a Jew?
You get a janitor who owns the building.

White-American Woman

First date: You get to kiss her goodnight.
Second date: You get to grope all over and make out.
Third date: You get to have sex in the missionary position.

Redneck Woman

First Date: You give her $20 and have really good sex.
Second Date: you give $25 and have really good sex with her younger sister.
Third Date: You give her $30 and have sex with her younger brother.

African-American Woman

First Date: You get to buy her a real expensive dinner.
Second Date: Your get to buy her and her 250 pound girlfriend a real expensive dinner.
Third Date: You get to pay her rent.
Tenth Date: She's pregnant by someone other than you!

Irish Woman

First Date: You both get blind drunk and have sex.
Second Date: You both get blind drunk and have sex.
20th Anniversary: You both get blind drunk and have sex.

Italian Woman

First Date: You take her to a play and an expensive restaurant.
Second Date: You meet her parents and her Mom makes spaghetti & meatballs.
Third Date: You have sex, she wants to marry you & insists on a 3 carat ring.
5th Anniversary: You already have 5 kids together & hate the thought of having sex.
6th Anniversary: You find yourself a girlfriend.

Jewish Woman

First Date: You get dynamite head.
Second Date: You get more great head.
Third Date: You tell her you'll marry her (and never get head again).

Israeli Woman

First Date: You fill out the mandatory family questionnaire listing all your assets.
Second Date: You go out to the park with her and her whole family comes along.
Third Date: She claims she's a virgin and refuses to have sex with you.
Fourth Date: She makes up for the past ten years of sexual deprivation in one night. You're rushed to a hospital for exhaustion.

Town Gallery in Mosina Poland
Photo Credit: Polish Cities Panorama

Polish Woman

First Date: You go to pick her up, and she isn't home. She gave you the wrong address.
Second Date: You decide to meet at a restaurant. She gets lost getting to the restaurant and then again going home.
Third Date: She's pregnant. She's not sure if its hers.

Chinese Woman

First date: You get to buy her an $$$ expensive dinner but nothing happens.
Second date: You buy her an even more $$$$$ expensive dinner but nothing happens again.
Third date: You don't even get to the third date and you have already realized nothing is going to happen.

East-Indian Woman

First date: Meet her parents.
Second date: Set the date of the wedding.
Third date: Wedding night.

Malay Woman

First date: You get to touch those big breasts of hers.
Second date: You get to home base with her.
Third date: You have to promise her that you are gonna get circumcised.
Then you will marry her and find out that you have to support her whole family. The only consolation is that you get to repeat the procedure three other times as allowed under Muslim law.

Photo Credit: Sand Gets in My Eyes

Arab Woman

First Date: Mother, Father, Brothers, Sisters, Cousins, Aunts, Uncles, Friends and entire Arab community finds out.

Second date: you are tortured, beheaded, burned, and your bodied dragged in the street while little boys slap your charred remains with the bottom of their shoes.

Third date: there is no third date and you never got to see what she looked like.

Greek Woman

First Date: You find out she''s a chain smoker and heavy drinker, despite the fact she's underage.
Second date: You get her piss drunk and have sex.
Third date: You find out she was a virgin and her dad and 30 uncles are all out searching for you with a shot gun and a priest ready to perform the wedding liturgy.

Mexican Woman

First date: You buy her an expensive dinner, get drunk on Tequila, and have sex in the back of her car.

Second Date: She's pregnant.

Third Date: She moves in. One week later, her mother, father, his girlfriend, her two sisters, her brother, all of their kids, her grandma, her father's girlfriend's mother, her two cousins, her sister's boyfriend and his three kids move in and you live on rice and beans for the rest of your life in your home that used to be nice, but now looks like a whorehouse along the Tijuana strip.

Variations on the Mexican Woman from different cultures:

Filipino Woman

First Date: You buy her an expensive $ hapunan, get DRUNK on Red Horse, and have SEX in the back seat of YOUR car!
Second Date: She's PREGNANT!
Third Date: She moves in your NICE HOME! ONE WEEK LATER: her nanay, tatay, his honey ko g/f, her two sisters, her brother, all of their kids, her lola, her tatay's honey ko g/f's nanay, her two cousins, her sister's honey ko, and his three kids MOVE IN, and you live on RICE, FISH and BALUT for the rest of your life, in your home that used to be NICE, but now looks like a home along the TONDO GARBAGE DUMP!

Latina Woman

First Date: You buy her an expensive dinner, get her drunk on Riunite, have sex in the back of her car.

Second Date: She is pregnant.

Third Date: Move in with her, her two cousins, her sister's boyfriend and live happily ever after eating rice and beans in the Bronx.

For the following you need to be Nigerian to appreciate the humor.

Nigerian Women

Yoruba

First date: You take her to an Owambe Party, naturally she does not put on an under wear. You have sex with her standing behind a car in the dark end of the street.
Second date: You meet her in a restaurant just ordering a plate of amala and two kpomo, she sees you and orders for salad, chicken, goat meet, turkey, etc. you go to her house and have sex.
Third date: She is pregnant, but not too sure who is responsible.

First date: She tells you about her being the first born of the family, and has twelve others to take care of. She eats and drinks, no sex.

Second date: Her father is very sick and needs some money for urgent treatment. She shows you enough just to entice you.

Third date: She has never tried it before, you are going to be the first person; however, she has two kids at home, so promise you will marry me.

Hausa

First date: Get drunk, eat a lot of suya meat, have sex.

Second date: get drunk, eat meat, and have sex.

Third date: Get drunk, have sex; lets get married.

Rivers State

First date: Where do you work, oil or gas company?, Good, go to club, get drunk, have sex.

Second date: Pay for house rent, assist in setting up business. Play along, then off to her house, good sea food, and more sex.

Third date: Informs you of one or two previous kids she has for two different men, and then the big one; she is pregnant for you, consider marriage or my Ijaw brothers will be after you.

Cross Rivers

First date: Rather you eat at home, makes good delicious Edikankon soup with lots of fishes and meat. Cleans up the house everywhere sparkling even before you are out from the gents. Serves you the food nicely, with a lot of sweet soothing words. Goes to the room, makes the bed and bingo, have sex.

Second date: All your cloths washed, the house swept, moped, and dusted. Water to wash up after a hard days job Food is ready before you can change from your work cloth. Sweet words of praises, and swap; have an exhausting marathon sex.

Third date: Cloths washed, house clean as never before, food is ready and served as if in a restaurant, then another few exhausting rounds of sex.

You are the one to now ask, "will you marry me".

Related blogs:

Blog: And Rightly So,
Dating Lists
This is the scenario I would hate to think of being a part of…a victim of…if I knew someone was keeping me and my views of life in a notebook…I would end that relationship in about a second. Keeping lists is for dorks. Checking lists is for geeks. Having lists in the first place is for nerds.

Internet Dating Guide
German Dating Etiquette
Feminist Dating Etiquette

Quick dating tips from top dating tips:

Asking them out
Arranging a date
Getting ready for the date
Things to take on a date
During the date
At the end of the date
Phoning them afterwards
Meeting up again
Keeping the momentum