The International Crepitation Contest from Planck's Constant

Bob Farting in the Limo 3
Photo: Search Student.

First, the definition. crepitation

(general) The sharp sound of snapping noises

(geophysics) The crackling sound of mineral grains upon heating. You can get some feel for this by putting rock salt on a frying pan and heating it up.

(Med.) A grating or crackling sensation or sound, as that produced by rubbing two fragments of a broken bone together, or by pressing upon cellular tissue containing air.

(Bernie's) The explosive discharge of air from the anus. Also known as flatulation.

I was flitting over a few bloggers last night when I came upon this gem

Gadling, Friday Funny: Ah, the French
Herewith, I introduce you to one Joseph Pujol who, according to this site on Human Marvels, became one of the most unique performers ever to grace a stage. What was his secret? Apparently he was a master of flatulence. Yes, Pujol, through a complex mix of self-discipline and body control, was able to create distinct notes with his, well, to use a French term, derriere.

This reminded me of the first time [1963] I listened to the "International Crepitation Contest" on a 78 rpm platter. If you don't know what a 78 rpm record is check out this YouTube video of Johnny Hodges and his Orchestra.

The International Crepitation Contest [also known as the International Wind Breaking Contest] was a recording of trained athletes, also known as fartistes, breaking wind in various categories in order to garner Gold Medals. Farting enthusiasts were treated to horn toots and tweets and thunderous bellows of champion, Lord Windesmere of Whopping Foghole, England against cabbage-loving challenger, Paul Boomer. The contest ended when the leading contender pushed too hard and we heard the announcer yell out, "Oh no! He sh*t!!!!" Well, I say, just give the man a towel and let's start over.

Farting is not the simple act that many people think it is. It requires careful coordination of the sphincter and other anal muscles to make sure only gas passes so that no solid or liquid matter gets ejected, although there is always a little splatter from even the faintest whistle.

It should now be easy to understand why we get so much crap from politicians when the only thing we hear from them is hot air.

You can buy Parts One and Two of the Crepitation Contest [Explicit] for only 89 cents each from Amazon, simply click on the links below:

Disclaimer: I actually make a few pennies on any item you buy from Amazon when you click on their links on my website. Any money earned from Amazon or Google goes toward site maintenance and translation services.

If this article offended you please click here for my audio apology.