Abu Hamza al-Masri and his evil eye from Planck's Constant

So I get an email about our dear terrorist friend Abu Hamza alerting me to his latest problem in prison:

Mirror.co.uk,
HAMZA'S GAY HATE
HATE preacher Abu Hamza has refused any more treatment from his prison nurse after finding out the man is gay.
The nurse, nickname Queenie, has been helping to wash and dress the convicted terrorist for more than two years.

A prison source told the Mirror the full-time staffer is openly gay and has a camp voice.

Officers at Belmarsh jail are said to be surprised Hamza, 48, has not noticed before.

Well, I have two theories as to why Abu (may I call him Abu?) never noticed that Queenie (that should have been a give-away) was gay:

1) It is common practice in Muslim countries to have a male friend help you masturbate when you are missing your right hand. Since hand amputation is quite common for thieves and available, willing women are hard to come by, this tradition helps lower the incidence of rapes, otherwise Muslim men will rape everything in sight, including goats, see How to get a Muslim's goat - sex with animals.

2) We have no pictures of Queenie but since most Muslim women are not too good to look at, see Why Israelis will win against Hezbollah - Photos IDF Babes; Abu might simply have mistaken Queenie for a female Muslim nurse.

Photo Credit: The Sun

My friend also asked me if I knew how Abu Hamza lost his eye. Now don't quote me, but I heard the story this way:

Years ago, Abu Hamza came to one of his favorite whore-houses in Finsbury Park in North London, near one of the mosques where he was an Imam. Irene, an infidel-whore, who hadn't seen Abu for years asked him where he had been. He told her he just returned from Afghanistan.

Irene noticed that he was missing both arms and had a hook for his right hand. "What happened to your arms?"

Abu Hamza: "They were both blown off by a land mine during the war against the Russian unbelievers, but I killed 14 of them that day, Hamdulillah (Praise be to Allah). The National Health Service gave me only one hook though, may their children be infested with camel lice!"

Then she noticed his left eye was made of glass, "What about your eye? Did you lose it during a battle against the Russians?"

Abu Hamza: "No, it was your blasted British pigeons. I was shooing them away from the Mosque when one of them flew over and shite right in my eye."

Irene, who had been expecting a more gory response, confusedly asked, "How could a little pigeon crap cause you to lose your eye?"

Abu Hamza snapped, "I'd only had this blasted hook for a few days!" ¹

Here are some compassionate quotes from Abu Hamza:

Guardian Unlimited
7 Feb 2006,
The preachings of Abu Hamza
Islamic beliefs should be spread with the help of the sword. He says that those selling alcohol should be persuaded to come to the mosque.
"Make sure that the person who gave him the licence for that wine shop doesn't exist any more on the Earth. Finish him up. Give him Dawa (inviting non-Muslims to accept the truth of Islam). If he doesn't respect Dawa, kill him.
...
"The Jews will be destroyed, the state will be destroyed and some of the Jews will be running around hiding behind the trees and the stones and then they got cursed by the earth until there is not one of them left.

"The Jews will never leave Palestine. The Jews will be buried there. We do not want the Jews to pull away from Palestine, but we want them to be buried there. This is God's decree.
...
He suggested people called it suicide to put others off it. "It is not called suicide - this is called shahada, martyring, because if the only way to hurt the enemies of Islam except by taking your life for that, then it is allowed."

Notes

(1): For those who have an impaired sense of humor, Abu Hamza actually lost his eye during the same land mine explosion that took his arms. Allah be praised.