Tashlich - The Crumbs of Rosh Hashanah from Planck's Constant

A custom among many Jews during the second day of the Rosh Hashanah holiday is to recite prayers near natural flowing waters such as a river and to symbolically get rid of their sins by throwing bits of bread into the water. This practice is known as "Tashlich" (pronounced "TAHSH-lich").

In 1997 Rabbi Richard Israel of Newton, Massachusetts wrote a humorous piece listing several different sin/bread combinations for a sermon. Taking a few crumbs from whatever old bread is in the house lacks subtlety, nuance and religious sensitivity. The good Rabbi suggests that we can do better. Instead:

For ordinary sins, use - White Bread

For exotic sins - French Bread

For particularly dark sins - Pumpernickel

For complex sins - Multi-grain

For twisted sins - Pretzels

For tasteless sins - Rice Cakes

For sins of indecision - Waffles

For sins committed in haste - Matzah

For sins committed in less than eighteen minutes - Shmurah Matzah

For sins of chutzpah - Fresh Bread

For substance abuse/marijuana - Stoned Wheat

For substance abuse/heavy drugs - Poppy Seed

For arson - Toast

For timidity - Milk Toast

For high-handedness - Napoleons

For being sulky - Sourdough

For silliness - Nut Bread

For not giving full value - Short bread

For jingoism - Yankee Doodles

For telling bad jokes - Corn Bread
For being money-hungry - Enriched Bread or Raw Dough
For telling small lies - Fudge
For war-mongering - Kaiser Rolls
For promiscuity - Hot Buns
For racism - Crackers
For sophisticated racism - Ritz Crackers
For being holier-than-thou - Bagels
For unfairly up-braiding others - Challah
For provocative dressing - Wonton Wrappers
For snobbery - Upper Crusts
For indecent photography - Cheese Cake
For trashing the environment - Dumplings
For the sin of laziness - Any Very Long Loaf
For being hyper-critical - Pan Cakes
For political skullduggery - Bismarcks
For over-eating - Stuffing Bread or Bulkie Rolls
For gambling - Fortune Cookies
For pride - Puff Pastry
For cheating - Bread made with Nutrasweet and Olestra
For being snappish - Ginger Bread
For dropping in without calling beforehand - Popovers
For trying to improve everyone within sight -Angel Food Cake
For being up-tight and irritable - High Fiber or Bran Muffins
For sycophancy - Brownies
For rearing children incompetently - Raisin Bread
For immodest behavior - Tarts
For causing injury or damage to others - Tortes
For hardening our hearts - Jelly doughnuts
For abrasiveness - Grits
For recurring slip ups - Banana Bread
For davening off tune - Flat Bread
For impetuosity - Quick Bread
For silliness - Nut Bread
For risking one's life unnecessarily - Hero Bread
For auto theft - Caraway
For excessive use of irony - Rye Bread
For larceny (especially of copyright material) - Stollen

Rabbi Israel is the author of The Kosher Pig: And Other Curiosities of Modern Jewish Life and Jewish Identity Games: A How-To-Do-It Book.

Sadly Rabbi Israel passed away in the summer of 2000. If you look at the last 13 lines in the list above you will see highlighted the letters spelling out the name of Richard Israel.