13 Muslim Greeting Cards from Planck's Constant

I have previously posted an article regarding the problem Islam finds with the sending of Valentine's Day cards because celebrating that day could be interpreted as recognising the enemies of Islam since Valentine or Valentinus took part in planning and attacking Cordoba, once a well-known centre of Islam in Spain, causing its downfall.

I noted as well the paucity of Islamic Greeting Cards at my local stationery store. It happens that having a birthday celebration is not forbidden in Islam, strictly speaking, as long as it is an expression of gratitude to Allah for His bounties, sustenance and blessings in the celebrant's life, as long as that celebration does not include anything that may displease Allah, the Almighty and nothing is emulated of filthy Western traditions or following the Jews and Christians in matters of their false claims and beliefs in relation to religion.

As a public service to Muslims in America, I offer the following 13 Shariah-Compliant Greeting Cards:

Birthday Card
Front of card:

Inside Greeting:
In the Name of Allah, Most Gracious, Most Merciful.

All praise and thanks are due to Allah, and peace and blessings be upon His Messenger.

Happy Birthday and may it please Allah, the Almighty, that you live to see Palestine liberated from the filthy Zionists and their Satan master the Crusader United States.

Get Well Card

Inside Greeting:
In the Name of Allah, Most Gracious, Most Merciful... yada-yada-yada...

May your wounds from the premature ignition of gunpowder heal soon. Allah, praised be his name, has chosen to take your [please choose as many as may apply]

[ ] finger(s)
[ ] hand(s)
[ ] arm(s)
[ ] toe(s)
[ ] leg(s)
[ ] eye(s)
[ ] nose
[ ] wife number [1 2 3 4]
[ ] camel you were riding

when the charge went off. It is not for us to question the Wisdom and Mercy of Allah.

Romance Card (Male suitor to female)

Front of card:

Niqab1
Photo: nurismawati.

Inside Greeting:
In the Name of Allah, Most Gracious, Most Merciful... yada-yada-yada...

My sweet garden of delight. I dream of your eyes when mine are closed for sleep. Dear Flower of Islam, your veil hides only your body but not the beauty of your soul which I yearn to hold, embrace and kiss, Allah willing. Your chastity and modesty inflame my urge to see you as the Angel Gabriel sees you, dare I say it? without your Hijab. [Warning - in some Islamic countries sending of this card may require 7 lashes of the whip for being so forward]

Graduation Card

Inside Greeting:
In the Name of Allah, Most Gracious, Most Merciful... yada-yada-yada...

Congratulation on the successful completion of your studies in Ammonium Nitrate, thanks be to Allah and to the 50,000 dinari grant from Prince Faisal Ibn Saud Aba Dabba Dubai of the Kingdom of Saudia Arabia, home of the only true religion.

Eid ul-Adha (or Festival of Sacrifice)

Front of card:

Photo: ecards.fares.net.

Inside Greeting:
In the Name of Allah, Most Gracious, Most Merciful... yada-yada-yada...

In sacrificing and slaughtering of your best sheep as a symbol of Ibrahim's (Abraham's) sacrifice may the Prophet's words always stay with you: "If you can't find a ewe, a Jew will do."

On Your Recent Promotion

Inside Greeting:
In the Name of Allah, Most Gracious, Most Merciful... yada-yada-yada...

Congratulations on being named 3rd in command of al Qaeda in Iraq. This most esteemed of positions has been blessed with the blood of a thousand martyrs, notably: bin Dar Dundat, M'salamis Qutof, Yused Wat, and Naten Urlife.

Sorry about Your Loss

Front of Card:

Photo: Associated Press.

Inside Greeting:
In the Name of Allah, Most Gracious, Most Merciful... yada-yada-yada...

Sorry to hear that
[] Mohammed
[] Mahmood
[] Mohamet
[] Muhammed
[] Mahammad
[] Ahmed
recently died in a
[] suicide bombing as a [ ] victim / [ ] Shaheed
[] murderous Israeli counterattack
[] accident involving volatile household chemicals
[] Misunderstanding with a fellow Muslim

Friendship Card (to Non-Muslims)

Inside Greeting:
In the Name of Allah, Most Gracious, Most Merciful... yada-yada-yada...

[] Dear Zionist pig
[] Murderous Christian Crusader

Greetings dear unbeliever, infidel scum, dirty kaffir, and fellow citizen. I wish to extend to you the hand of friendship and peace. As a token of that most treasured relationship we have, please find under this card a small box, a gift from me, in appreciation of our long-standing friendship. As I am a very shy person, I ask you not to open this box in front of me as it will embarrass me to Paradise. Please open it at home, around your family and friends so that they can see how Muslims cherish their non-Muslim friends. Please do not shake the box as it is a very expensive, fragile present.

Yarhamuk-Allah (may Allah have mercy on you).

Friendship Card (to fellow Muslims)

Inside Greeting:
In the Name of Allah, Most Gracious, Most Merciful... yada-yada-yada...

[] Filthy Shia
[] Sunni Dog
[] Despicable Mushrik
[] Nasty Wahhabi
[] Vile Sufi
[] Infidel Ahmadiyya

Greetings fellow "Muslim." I wish to extend to you the hand of friendship and peace. As a token of that most treasured relationship we have, please find under this card a small box, a gift from me, in appreciation of our long-standing friendship. As I am a very shy person, I ask you not to open this box in front of me as it will embarrass me to Paradise. Please open it at home, around your family and friends so that they can see how fellow Muslims cherish their Muslim friends. Please do not shake the box as it is a very expensive, fragile present.

May Allah bless you in Paradise.

Mother's Day Cards

Front of card:

Photo: Hallmark.

Inside Greeting:
In the Name of Allah, Most Gracious, Most Merciful... yada-yada-yada...

Dear number __ wife of my father, I humbly wish you a most joyous of wish of happiness. The daily beatings you have given me have made me a better Muslim. I wish for your glorious suicide against the dirty infidel dogs every day. If only you would do it soon so that you may arrive in Paradise not too badly worn out as you have already given father 14 children and if there is one more child I will no longer have my sleeping space next to the goat.

Maternity Card

Inside Greeting:
In the Name of Allah, Most Gracious, Most Merciful... yada-yada-yada...

Dear fertile Muslim woman, congratulations on your (check one)
[] 1st
[] 2nd
[] 3rd
[] 4th
[] 5th
[] 6th
[] 7th
[] 8th
[] 9th
[] 10th
[] 11th
[] 12th
[] 13th
[] 14th
[] 15th
[] 16th
[] 17th
[] 18th
[] 19th
[] 20th
[] 21st
[] 22nd
[] 23rd
[] 24th
[] 25th
[] 26th
[] 27th
[] 28th
[] 29th
[] 30th
[] 31st
[] 32nd
[] 33rd
[] 34th
[] 35th
[] 36th
[] 37th
[] 38th
[] 39th
[] 40th
...
[] 99th

Pregnancy. May Allah bless you with many more, Al-Hamdulillah (praise be to Allah). It is by your great example that the infertile infidel shall be vanquished.

Romance Card (Female to non-Muslim male)

Front

Photo: Zikrart.com.

Inside Greeting:
In the Name of Allah, Most Gracious, Most Merciful... yada-yada-yada...

Dear secret lover, I am sorry I cannot see you tonight the swelling still has not gone down from the beating my
[] father
[] brother
[] cousin
[] uncle
[] grandfather
gave me for coming home late. I hope that soon you will take me away from the slavery, pain and suffering that I go through being a Muslim woman. I hope it is very far away and plastic surgery can be involved because you remember what I told you happened to Fatima: even though she moved to another country, her father had relatives in the UK who tracked her down, whipped her, raped her, choked her, then burnt her body and threw it in the street. She got off easy - her lover fared worse. Waiting every day for you, my beloved infidel.

I am insulted card

Front of Card:

Inside Greeting:
In the Name of Allah, Most Gracious, Most Merciful... yada-yada-yada...

Dear
[] Newspaper
[] Museum
[] Government Official
[] School Principal
[] Business Person
[] Website

I am insulted that you exposed me, a Muslim, to

[] Church Bells
[] Buddha Statues
[] Movie Theaters
[] Alcohol Bottles
[] an American Flag
[] piggy banks
[] A Christian Bible
[] Pledge of Allegiance
[] The Letter X
[] Guide Dogs
[] Unveiled women
[] Barbi Dolls
[] Burger King Ice Cream Lids
[] Teddy Bears Named Mohammed

knowing full well that these abominations are offensive to the faithful of Islam. Kindly stop doing it and while you are at it, kindly submit to Islam at your earliest convenience so that this will not happen in the future.