Call Me Bob from Planck's Constant

I have a brother-in-law whose name is Robert. But you cannot call him Rob, Bobby, Bob, or Robbie. He only answers to Robert.

I should mention that I am perhaps the only person in the world who calls him by the Italian variation: Roberto - even though he is not in the slightest bit Italian. I pronounce his name with an Italian accent and a fanfare wave of my hand, even when addressing him over the phone. I do this because it amuses me and for the fact that so far he's never asked me to please stop.

It happens quite frequently that prior to being introduced to someone named Robert or Bobbie or whatever, that I am admonished to use only one particular variation of the name. I've met many a fellow whose birth-name is Robert, but who will vehemently complain if you call him Robert. "Call me Bob," he'll demand.

Sometimes children will rename themselves because their parents were complete jerks, for example: in a comment to my article Who B Stupid enuff to name their child LordTyshon?, reader ed davis asked, "Lahtrina? Wow. Are there really people named Lahtrina? Bummer."

I responded, "Yes there are really people named Lahtrina. Check out the MySpace page for LaTrina M. Scott here." It should be noted that she calls herself LaTrina M. Scott to break up the crappy part of her name. Elsewhere on her page she just calls herself Trina.

There are some parents who are complete morons and don't care what abuse their children may get from badly conjured up names. We recall the poor young boy with the grotesque appellation Adolf Hitler Campbell.¹

My personal view is that if you are over 18, you can call yourself Brown Stained Underwear, I do not care. However, the government should step in if a parent gives a child an inappropriate name that will cause the child grief in school from bullying and general merrymaking over his name.

I have suggested to my readers who are black parents not to name their children with pseudo-African names. My experience with other businessmen has been that job applicants with African-American names are less likely to get hired.

We live in America. Millions of immigrants came to this country with foreign names and made a success of themselves after they Americanized their names. Shmuel became Sam, Antonius became Tony, Chang becasme James, and so on. Want to be successful while carrying the luggage of being called Raheem Abdul Jackson? Then go to Kenya or the Sudan and ply your trade there. That Malcom X, and Mohammed Ali nonsense only makes you look like an idiot.

Trivia:

ROBERT is the #3 most common male first name

3.143% of males in the US are named ROBERT.

Around 3850175 US males are named ROBERT

source: namestatistics.com

Notes

(1):

Lehigh Valley Live, Holland Township man names son after Adolf Hitler
Adolf Hitler Campbell -- it's indeed the name on his birth certificate -- turns 3 today, and the Campbell family believes the boy has been mistreated. A local supermarket refused to make a birthday cake with "Adolf Hitler" on it.
The ShopRite in Greenwich Township has also refused to make a cake bearing the name of Campbell's daughter, JoyceLynn Aryan Nation Campbell, who turns 2 in February.

Honszlynn Hinler Jeannie Campbell, a girl named for Schutzstaffel head Heinrich Himmler, turns 1 in April.

"ShopRite can't even make a cake for a 3-year-old," said Deborah Campbell, 25, who is Heath's wife of three years and the mother of the children. "That's sad."

A director for the Anti-Defamation League in Philadelphia applauded the supermarket's decision. An Allentown psychologist said the names would cause problems for the children later in life.