Who B Stupid enuff to name their child LordTyshon? from Planck's Constant

I have written many times that giving your child a name like Taniqwa or Lahtrina or Shamika almost guarantees that they will fail in life and most likely end up in prison.

I hesitate to introduce to you one Lordtyshon Garrett who, true to form, was arrested Thursday for killing his mother-in-law's cat and charged with felony animal cruelty, which carries a maximum two years (More of the story).

There's no way to really tell how to pronounce the 31-year-old moron's name; he probably sounds out the last two syllables to rhyme with piss-on, as in Lord-tish-ahn. Or maybe it's Lord-tie-shawn, with stress on the tie. What mother would be stupid enough to give someone a name like that? This back-to-Africa-heritage nonsense only hinders a child in his adult life. If I had a resume in front of me with two candidate names, one David Jones and another Lordtyshon Jones, I certainly would not even think of hiring anyone with an African or ghetto-sounding name.

And no, not because the fellow is black - for all I know David Jones could be Black and lordtyshon could be white. I wouldn't hire him because anyone stupid enough to go around looking for a job with a moniker like that is not smart enough to work for me. If my birth name were Lordtyshon, God forbid, I certainly would have changed it legally way before going around looking for a job.

I know someone is going to bring up Shaquille Rashaun O'Neal and how he's successful. OK, here's the deal: if you are 7' 1"" tall and weigh 325 pounds and are very talented, yes, you can be successful even if your name is Igots Poopinmypants. But if you're an average Joe with no extra-ordinary talent or intelligence, an African or ghetto name will simply hold you back.

The photo above is from Lordy's Myspace page. What a maroon.

Notes

(More of the story):

The Dreamin' Demon, Lordtyshon Garrett Was Feeling A Little Stabby
Demonites, meet Lordtyshon (really?) Garrett. Judging by his Myspace pics, Lordtyshon (for real?) is a pretty beefy guy, certain to give a grown man a run for his money if it came to a beat-down. But against a 9 lb. cat? That pussy had no chance. Lordtyshon (?) and his wife were ~~moochin’ off~~ living with the wife’s mother, Deborah Bender. When Deborah told her good-fer-nothin’ son-in-law to get off his ass and get a job and/or vacate the premises, Lordtyshon got all offended and shit. It is alleged that on October (October reviews) 12, Lordtyshon (I feel retarded even typing that out) lured Deborah’s 4-year-old cat, Madea, into the bathroom, turned on the shower and closed the door. When the cat emerged from the bathroom, she was soaked and was having difficulty breathing. Lordtyshon then began to chase the cat around the apartment, beating, stabbing, and poking her with an umbrella. Madea didn’t survive the abuse the big tough guy doled out – she was left with injuries as severe as if she had fallen off a high-rise building or been hit by a car – and was put down.
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